After the distribution of teaching classes this semester, the biology class was changed from Class B1 to Class B2, and the former deskmate, who was a good friend (girl, not girlfriend (yet)) of mine in middle school and continued this relationship in high school (the first semester), who was not expected to change the class (because the former teacher is the original teacher of her), was still in Class B1 (I think). I was quite disappointed because the only 40 minutes of class and the road from the lunch that accompanied me to the floor of the classroom building I had was all. We talked a lot of things, but unexpectedly, the time was so short.
I am very grateful to her because her smile and greeting cured my depression on a quiet level. We are both in the mathematics class (B2) in middle school, and we communicated with her frequently during the break time. Before the Zhongkao, we communicated with each other the night before the examination and encouraged each other. However, after this communication, she disconnected from me, maybe she was hurrying to do other things and her trip to Shanghai.
After entering high school, she greeted me at the meeting of members of the boarders, and I was quite happy that our friendship could be continued in high school.
But I didn’t chat with her online or in real life, until that biology class.
Seeing the classroom of Biology B1 is Class 2, I had thought of greeting her in the class, if she participated in the same class (B1). So I actively go to the class and find a proper seat. Surprisingly, she is sitting in the middle, row 5, and focusing on her English homework. This was the best feeling of mine last semester,.
I can still remember the time I entered Class 2, I selected the seat behind her and left her to sit in class, which was an occupied seat. Then I selected the seat in front of (left) her, ``but’’ unexpectedly, the student behind my seat wanted to change the seat with me, and I happily agreed. Then she, who was sitting on the right seat now, greeted me with a smile and asked me which course I selected. After knowing I selected physics, chemistry, and technology (she thought so), she showed her respect (maybe) to me.
I was happy and surprised and had a good time after the day on the road to the classroom and the time during lunch with her.
We chatted a little online on the weekend, but she promised me that she would reply to me when she saw the messages, and I went to a camp after that weekend. That is to say, I didn’t attend the class next week and didn’t chat with her on weekdays on campus. After the first Sunday of the vacation, she went offline to study, and I didn’t chat with her until the second day of the vacation.
I expected to communicate with her the next semester, but I didn’t expect that she would be changed to Class B1, and I was changed to Class B2. I was quite disappointed, and I didn’t chat with her in the first semester.
The teacher of B2 is my former biology teacher, which is a little bit joyful, but I didn’t want that I would be changed to Class B2, as I think she is still in B1.
The feeling of loss is unbearable, as I am not a person who can make friends easily. The companionship of her is valuable (to some degree, it’s the most valuable thing in my life). She is giving me support, encouragement, and happiness. She is never a girl who is a girlfriend of mine, as I don’t have the spirit to express my love to anyone. I just want to enjoy the feeling of being with a person who is friendly to me, and I don’t mind whether he / she is occupied by me or not.
I may be too pessimism, but I have been deeply suffering from the pain of depression since Sept last year (the second recurrence). Her smile, and her greeting can be the best medicine to me, which drags me out of the darkness of my heart. The remaining connection between us is only random meetings on campus, and I think is that not enough.
I don’t think anyone can understand my feelings. You may think I am a person who is too sensitive, it’s right. But the important part is to deal with the terrible depression now. It would be continuous for a long time, which is simply unaffordable and unbearable for me.